MARRIAGE

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the
husband gives and the wife takes.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.
– Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to
answer… is, “What does a woman want?
– Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some
paragraphs with me.

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We
take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight,
dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
- Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years.”
- Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
- James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
left me and the second one didn’t.”
- Patrick Murray

It’s true that all men are born free and equal,
but some of them get married!

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
– Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
– Anonymous

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want
to interrupt her-
Rodney Dangerfield