When Insults Had Class…

Ah! The class of the perfect putdown/insult. Our “insulters” today just don’t have it…..

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a
friend… if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
– Winston Churchill to Shaw, in response

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
– John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
– Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West

Phobiophobia?! :P

Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Cyberphobia- Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Felinophobia- Fear of cats.
Gamophobia- Fear of marriage.
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666.(This BIG name gives me the creeps)
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.(Guess i have this phobia then )
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking.
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Pediculophobia- Fear of lice.
Samhainophobia-Fear of Halloween.
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating.
Wiccaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft.
Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods.

When you feel bored… What should you do?

Hi,
When you feel bored, here are some things you can do..

> THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

1. Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show:
Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message.
2. See how long you can hold a note:
Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.
3. Try to not think about penguins:
Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you are trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.
4. Use your secret mind power:
Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes
Pick a passer by and try to use your mind power to command them to do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out .
5. Pretend you’re a robot:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding ‘zzzzzt’ sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand, can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment. Though of course if you care about what the others passing by, will think of you, better avoid this .
6. Scratch yourself:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn’t that feel pretty good?
7. Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.
8. Hurt yourself:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There’s nothing physical about it – it’s all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for a while, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
9. Try to swallow your tongue:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
There’s not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.
10. Pretend to be a car:
Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.
11. Get yourself as nauseated as possible:
Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can’t even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the “makes boredom seem a lot better” effect.
12. Make a low buzzing noise:
Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes
Hours of fun in libraries (and in boring classes)! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.
13. If none of the above are good enough, do what i am doing right now, write a stupid post and bore others as much as you can .

Noah’s Ark

A small intro to anyone who doesn’t know about Noah….

Noah’s ark is the boat built by the Biblical character Noah. At the command of God, according to the story, Noah was to build a boat that could accommodate his extended family, about 50,000 species of animals, and about one million species of insects. The craft had to be constructed to endure a divinely planned universal flood aimed at destroying every other person and animal on earth (except, I suppose, those animals whose habitat is liquid).

And so the story goes…….

But the main point is,
Everything(Well, not everything, but a few) I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark… 

One: Don’t miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. 
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something
really big.
Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the
cheetahs.
Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Good ones

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

If you see a man approaching with the obvious intent of doing you good, run for your life.

Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

When you don’t know what you are doing, do it NEATLY.

Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.

Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.

Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Anybody can win — unless there happens to be a second entry.

Always keep a record of data. It indicates you’ve been working.

Names starting with ‘A’

It seems very peculiar that most continents and countries whose names begin with the letter ‘A’ also end with the same letter and the only exceptions are :
Azerbaijan and Afghanistan.

Asia
Africa
Australia
Albania
Algeria
Andorra
Angola
Antigua and Barbuda
Argentina
Armenia
Australia
Austria
Azerbaijan
Afghanistan

MARRIAGE

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the
husband gives and the wife takes.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.
– Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to
answer… is, “What does a woman want?
– Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some
paragraphs with me.

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We
take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight,
dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
- Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years.”
- Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
- James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
left me and the second one didn’t.”
- Patrick Murray

It’s true that all men are born free and equal,
but some of them get married!

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
– Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
– Anonymous

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want
to interrupt her-
Rodney Dangerfield

Philosophy

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you’ll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles Schultz

Roads In Life

Hi…
Our life has many roads, some are bumpy, some are with too many forks and bends and some with none at all and some just straight… It all depends on us, the way we take and the turn we make… Fear, confusion etc., make our decision making hard and sound sense and a good motive makes it easy.. Whatever it be, some people blame the fate(?) for everything. Is it really the fate which does everything? Isn’t it our own decisions, mistakes, choices, wants, likes, dislikes etc., that make our way a crooked one or a straight one?
If our road is too bumpy and rough ( and yeah, am not talking about the chennai roads ) the only way to enjoy walking on it is to think about the joy and happiness we will be getting once we find our destination in it… Though this may sound far fetched its true… Or maybe we can think of people who travel through the perfectly straight roads without a single turn or bend in them.. That would be the life of a robotic person! Imagine how boring it would be.. To gain experience, we need knowledge and for knowledge, we need to travel, not the pleasant travel through a meadow, but a rough one through a forest…
And, this is just ‘my’opinion on life….

The Man Booker Prize For Fiction

Hi.. I thought i would write a post on the Booker prize…

The Man Booker Prize for Fiction represents the very best in contemporary fiction. Known as the Booker Prize (after Booker McConnell Ltd) this prestigious literature award was initiated in 1969 and is one of the world’s most prestigious awards, and one of incomparable influence, it continues to be the pinnacle of ambition for every fiction writer.
the prize aims to reward the best novel of the year written by a citizen of the Commonwealth or the Republic of Ireland. The Man Booker judges are selected from the country’s finest critics, writers and academics to maintain the consistent excellence of the prize.

Authors and their books that have won the Man Booker Prize for Fiction in the past include:

1969: P. H. Newby – Something to Answer For
1970: Bernice Rubens – The Elected Member
1971: V.S. Naipaul – In a Free State
1972: John Berger – G
1973: J.G. Farrell – Siege of Krishnapur
1974: Stanley Middleton – Holiday
1975: Nadine Gordimer – The Conversationalist and Ruth Prower Jhabvala – Heat and Dust
1976: David Storey – Saville
1977: Paul Scott – Staying On
1978: Iris Murdoch – The Sea, The Sea
1979: Penelope Fitzgerald – Offshore
1980: William Golding – Rites of Passage
1981: Salman Rushdie – Midnight’s Children
1982: Thomas Keneally – Schindler’s Ark ((filmed as Schindler’s List)
1983: J.M. Coetzee – Life and Times of Michael K.
1984: Anita Brookner – Hotel Du Lac
1985: Keri Hulme – Bone People
1986: Kingsley Amis – The Old Devils
1987: Penelope Lively – Moon Tiger
1988: Peter Carey – Oscar and Lucinda
1989: Kazuo Ishiguro – The Remains of the Day
1990: A.S. Byatt – Possession
1991: Ben Okri – The Famished Road
1992: Michael Ondaatje – The English Patient and Barry Unsworth – Sacred Hunger
1993: Roddy Doyle – Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha
1994: James Kelman – How Late It Was, How Late
1995: Pat Barker – The Ghost Road
1996: Graham Swift – Last Orders
1997: Arundhati Roy – The God of Small Things
1998: Ian McEwan – Amsterdam
1999: J.M. Coetzee – Disgrace
2000: Margaret Atwood – The Blind Assassin
2001: Peter Carey – True History of the Kelly Gang
2002: Yann Martel – Life of Pi
2003: DBC Pierre (Peter Warren Finlay) – Vernon God Little
2004: Alan Hollinghurst – The Line of Beauty
2005: John Banville – The Sea
2006: Kiran Desai – The Inheritance Of Loss